#it sounds like its gonna be so. good. i cant wait to hear the stories

[casdeans-pie]

I feel like the whole fandom is going to Purcon and I'm so soooo sad to be missing it - all my favourite artists and moots are going and I want to meet themmmmmm

[4giorno]

yeah no wtf. valk rlly came to save music AGAIN

[billgetsmewet]

i will save your life…

request : HELLLOOOO so like- what if uh Bill x reader but like they do it while listening to deftones?? (Ex: Risk from the dimond eyes album or something) idk i feel like that would be a good short story idk 🫶🏻

warnings : p in v, smut, handjob, sub!bill, petnames (ex princess/slut etc.)

Bill has been on tour foreverrr.. he was supposed to come back today, you were telling all of your friends about it. It was a big thing, considering hes been all over europe in the past few weeks, not even stepping a foot in your hometown.

He calls you up out of nowhere saying the bus broke down, great. - you think to yourself as you sigh, making him hear on the other end of the phone. I wish i could be there with you already.. - he mumbles, but you can barely hear him.

The music in the background blurs his voice but so does the fact that he barely has any signal.

I cant hear you.. -you chuckle- are you listening to deftones in the bus?.. -you ask, making him focus on the music for a second.

Oh im not the one who put it on, it was Gustav - he chuckles aswell, before getting a bit startled by someone next to him.

The bus is fixed! - he yells out. Were gonna be there soon!

You feel your mouth rounding up into a cheeky smile as he says that, you both know what youre gonna do together when he gets home..

You get a ring at your doorbell, you get shivers down your spine as you rush downstairs to unlock the door for him.

You open the door and hug him, not even letting him enter before you do.

Is that.. deftones? - he laughs, hearing the CD player bursting deftones in your room at max volume. yeah.. i thought youd like it - you reply nervously. yeah! i dont mind it, if you know what i mean - he laughs, almost laughing off the fact that you tried to impress him.

You invite him upstairs into your room, as you always do, trying to “enjoy some time with him”. you sit down on your bed, just as he does, right next to you.

The music is blurring out any sound you might hear in your room or anywhere in your house, basically its hella fucking loud, eardrums hurting type of loud.

You look at Bill, trying to tell you something you just cant hear, with lust in his eyes, his lips glossy and his look begging for you.

You didnt even have to read his lips to know what he wanted, you felt it straight up.

You smile at him, before standing up to lower the music a bit so youd be able to hear his moans.

Next thing you know hes in his boxers and youre palming him, hes rock hard, whining for you to do something about it.. what a slut.

B-bmhh.. baby.. mhh! please! please! -he moans pathetically, begging you to fuck him.

Be patient now, wont you? you made me wait too.. you didnt visit me for weeks for some stupid tour, isnt that true, hm? -you argue.

He just keeps whining and moaning like a dog, his eyes tearing up. Baby it hurts.. p-please it hurts.. -he cries, yet you let him cry, you keep palming him and teasing him. You feel his precum leaking from his boxers, “god..��� you thought to yourself, trying to hold yourself back, not letting him win.

Eventually he did win, no matter how hard you tried, you couldnt resist his puppy eyes. The music is still blasting in your ears as you hear a big moan from him, louder than the music, he has managed to rip the boxers… how? i dont know, you tell me.. It was a sign to jerk him off, or atleast you took it that way.

You started slowly pumping him from the bottom with one hand , while you tease his red, swollen tip with the other. His precum has already coated both of your palms. A-Ah!.. Ah!! please.. faster..mmh! -he moans, how cute. You do as he tells you and you start pumping him faster, now with both hands.

His mouth hangs agape, moaning and crying submissively.

Please.. please.. mommy.. please.. let me cum..-he whimpers. Do you think you deserve it, Billy? Have you been a good boy? -you ask in reply. Yes! mh..mhm! mhm.. please! yes!

He just wouldnt shut up, would he?…

A-hhmm..ah! mommy.. i cant take it anymore-mmh.. im gonna cum.. mmh.. - he moans, before comming all over your hands.

Now this wasnt acceptable, what a dirty little whore. Cant even listen to his own girlfriend.

Oh look at what youve done.. this dirty boy needs punishing, doesnt he? look at you.. - you say, degrading him. I-i.. i didnt mean to, im sorry.. i couldnt hold it back.. Nuh-uh! This dirty slut needs punishing after this.

You unbuckle your belt, letting your pants fall down, making a clinking sound as the belts hit the hardwood floor. You get ontop of him, grabbing his waist, sitting down on his lap, teasing him before you actually begin.

Oh look at you now.. already hard again.. -you say, seeing his boner become more and more intense. What a slut for mommy, arent you?

You take off your lingerie, making him stare at your bare pussy, this time, he was even harder.

You get ontop of him, bouncingyourself up and down, relaxing into the music and ignoring his requests and moans.

A-Ah! please slow down, it hurts.. mmh..-he was so sensitive, what a submissive boy.

Mhm?.. ah.. fuck.. Bill.. arent you a dirty little sensitive slut for mama, hm? -you groan, trying to hold back your whimpers and cries, he was big, you couldnt lie.

You started bouncing faster, not caring about his high but about your own, he was already a spoiled little boy anyways.

Mama.. mh.. i cant take it anymore im gonna cum again…-he cries, coincidentally right before you reach your climax, cumming all over his abdomen, making him not able to finish.

Fuck.. -you breathe heavily as you get off him. But.. But mommy… -he whines.

Bad boys dont get to finish, darling…

———————————————————————

Ps: i wrote this in school it took me like two hours and why tf is it so short… anyways the coffee thay im drinking rn is hitting diff ughhh, i think its mocha or something

[kindestofkings]

nepobaby²

elijah hewson x pop singer! reader

authors note: reader is matty healy's lil sister cause I loovvvee connecting my two fav bands.

ENJOY THIS EVERYONEEE, happy holidays <33

yourusername

liked by charli_xcx and others

yourusername thank you thank you THANK YOU everyone for all the love and support over this album !! it was the product of heartbreak but now its the thing bringing me all the joys <33 tour continues next week cant wait to see all you sexy beings :))

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yourfan1 where is the deluxe version of the deluxe version?? i need it now

yourfan2 thank u for giving us this 

charli_xcx the QUEEN of pop

yourusername are you kidding?? have you seen yourself?

denise_welch so so proud of you my darling girl !

yourusername mumma<333

denise_welch

liked by trumanblack and others

denise_welch my eldest and my youngest. having a fab time on our summer holidays 💕💕

tagged: trumanblack and yourusername

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bedfordanes75 yourusername you look rightly fed up

yourusername is it that obvious?? rass75 what were you arguing about trumanblack think this was just after she told me to stop using the word meta yourusername literally no need to hear its so much, what is meta in mallocra matthew ?? trumanblack who needs to say slay so much? sorry for having a developed vocabulary denise_welch kids... yourusername sorry mum trumanblack sorry mum

1975fan1 i love that they are normal siblings even tho they're killing it in the music industry

yourusername posted on their story!

my mother and my mother?? confused but continue

bedfordanes75 charli is v upset she thought she was mother ↳ I can explain..... taylorswift hahha stop it shes the best! can't wait for you to join us on tour 🕺 yourfan1 I love you all

ynfanupdates

liked by yourfan1 and others

ynfanupdates guys omg I was just at the 1975 gig with my sister and yn was their special guest😭😭😭 best. day. EVER.

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1975fan1 I died when matty said its annoying being the least talented singer in the family

ynfanupdates did he lie tho she sounded inCREDIBLE, had the whole place hoppin

yourfan1 omg what did she sing??

1975fan1 she sang cruel summer coming out and then she sang she lays down with matty! usually the boys leave the stage when they have a special guest but they all stayed and played for her it was ADORBS ynfanupdates one thing the boys of the 1975 are gonna be is overly proud of yourusername

yourusername thank you so much for all the love guys I was SO NERVOUS lol

ynfanupdates omg hiii no we would have NEVER KNOWN, you were so good yourusername 💕💕

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername the 1975 family you really know how to make a girl feel welcome ! thank you for singing so loudly and embracing your inner pop girlie with me. sorry big bro for making you cry and getting all the talent in the family 😬

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trumanblack oi I just did a nice thing dont come for me

yourusername sorry cant hear you through all your tears?? what did you say? rass75 how did we end up with the uncool healy? trumanblack mate youre meant to be MY bestfriend

1975fan1 fav sibling duo

inhalerfan1 oh hello eli in the likes??

inhalerfan2 I ALWAYS notice him omg imagine they dated

denis_welch proud as always watching you two doing what you do best never gets old!

yourusername

liked by bobbyskeetz and others

yourusername like paris in 45' 🕺😏

city of love has me feeling all kinds of things, would I lose my job if I wrote songs about being in love instead of heartbreak??

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yourfan1 MOTHER id listen to anything you release

inhalerfan1 not the inhaler lyric and discussions of LOVE

inhalerfan2 being delulu and obsessing over how hot of a couple yn and eli would be inhalerfan1 girl me toooo yourfan2 she's never this secretive of boyfriends tho inhalerfan2 shusshhhh

bedfordanes75 we have a WHOLE song called paris that you could've used....

taylorswift me too :(( trumanblack she's too busy fancying bonos son to care yourusername im gonna kill you charli_xcx ratty youre an idiot

inhalerfan1 HEHEHEH LOOK AT MATTY'S COMMENT

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername not me curating the most perfect of perfect soft launches for my IDIOT brother to ruin it all. well I tell you I wont let a manchild who writes quotes about crappy coffee and boys ruin this for me ! you dont know who that is got it? GOT IT?

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trumanblack I NEVER SAID THAT QUOTE

bedfordanes75 life's too short to drink crappy coffee ☕️☕️ rass75 and cry over boys 😭😭🙍🏻‍♂️ yourusername who dont care 🤷‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅🏻‍♀️💅 1975fan ahahahhahahahah boom roasted

bobbyskeetz he clearly doesnt know how scary you are over this subject...

yourusername !!!!!

inhalerfan1 I am so so happy right not

yourusername and why miss inhaler fan would that be?? I suggest you reread that caption hmmhmm inhalerfan1 truly terrifying but im sorry the third picture is my proof yourusername i give up it was just too cute to leave out

bbcradio

liked by yourusername and others

bbcradio we had the fabulous yn healy come visit us in in the bbc live lounge ! Follow the link in our bio to see this pop queen's cover of jeff buckley's lover, you should've come over 🥹

tagged: yourusername

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yourusername had SO MUCH FUN !!

inhalerfan1 respecting your soft launch mother but this has me gagged teehee

yourfan1 I beg of you to release this on spotify its a NEED

bobbyskeetz huh interesting song choice

ryanmacmahon_15 wonder if theres a deeper meaning to this selection joshjenkinson_ theres someone who kinda looks like him, isnt there? yourusername I dont know what you're implying... who even are you three???? inhalerfan1 heheh not you pretending not to know them while following all three of them

deuxmoi

liked by ynfan1 and others

deuxmoi theres a hot new couple on the block

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ynfan1 I hate this account so much like respect their privacy

inhalerfan1 holy fuck it's true then

inhalerfan2 wow are we gonna talk about that letter

ynfan2 who do you think wrote it ? inhalerfan1 its giving Eli vibes to me ynfan3 could not be theirs ...

yninhalerstan why is no one talking about the contents of the letter?!?! man literally wrote you fill my head with sweetness and you fill my head with YOU

inhalerfan1 sleeping on the motorway tonight ynfan1 I am sooo single it hurts

bobbyskeetz stay out of it like

yourusername damn having my very own alexa chung moment rn

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername to answer the burning question: yes we met at the daycare for nepobabies 😏

also the last pic is for the nosey bastards at deuxmoi !

tagged: elijahhewson

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elijahhewson still waiting for my love letter...

yourusername alri I dont know if I can be the alex to your alexa, what about a few love songs? elijahhewson yeah guess that'll do yourusername get ready pretty boy inhalerfan1 PRETTY BOY ynfan1 damn we lost her

bobbyskeetz THANK GOD this has been awful to keep in

ynfan2 damnn can believe I lost the love of my life to an irish boy

yourusername a very pretty irish boy that makes me v happy, does that help or make it worse? ynfan2 really 😭😭 really 😭😭 happy for you 😭😭

inhalerfan2 nepobaby²!!

trumanblack you promised me you wouldn't date until you were at least 35..

yourusername 👁👄👁 we're just friends..

denis_welch both so gorgeous! great to see you so happy

ynfan2 damn he makes her happy 😭 😭

yourusername

liked by trumanblack and others

yourusername surprise! my next album fuck, I'm in love is gonna be yours next month <33

cause im in a giving mood I thought I'd give you a look at the covers AND the a sneak peak at the tracklist mwah xx

1. lover 2. mastermind 3. nonsense 4. the archer 5. dress 6. gorgeous 7. bad for business 8. false god 9. good in bed 10. your power

(please listen even tho they're happy )

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yourusername also big shout out to bedfordanes and miss xcx for help with the production xxx

bedfordanes sick songs but also so very disturbing that the littlest healy is thinking like this charli_xcx such a baby ! songs are just as hot as you girl 🔥🔥

inhalerfan1 those song titles...

ynfan1 oh MY GOD good in bed ?? LOVER is this a dont listen around your parents album??

yourusername well tracks 3,4 and 9 are off limits for my brother and mum if that tells you anything ynfan1 mwhahahha miss girl you're iconic

ryanmcmahon_15 oh he's gonna be unbearable after this

joshjenkinson_ like he isn't already bad enough he's dating one of the biggest popstars rn inhalerfan1 lol eli in his wag era elijahhewson and proud of it 💅💅

ynfanupdates

liked by ynfan1 and others

ynfanupdates BEST DAY EVERRRR guys I got invited to yn's secret show in london tonight and it was the best thing to ever happen to me 😭 it was such an intimate show with only a handful of fans there and she sang the entire new album. also her brother matty came on and played guitar for your power, which had me SOBBING

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ynfan1 wow im sooo envious was it just fans?

ynfanupdates no it was like for all her friends and family ! ynfan1 sooooo was he there? ynfanupdates who do you think shes smiling to?? he was ofc there and the rest of inhaler

ynfan2 what are the songs like ? can you remember any lyrics??

ynfanupdates not really I was so in the moment and I'm gonna gatekeep them cause you will enjoy them more next friday! ynfanupdates but ill tell you what she said before the archer! said that it was written about her brother (matty) and how since she's always looked up to him, and she can't believe that he isn't more assured in himself or something ynfan2 ahhh I cannot wait

inhalerfan1 what was your favourite??

ynfanupdates soooo hard to choose but i think gorgeous or mastermind ! she was so clearly happy singing them <3

yourusername I too cry at the sight of my brother I dont blame you ! thank you for coming and thank you thank you for not leaking any lyrics <33

ynfanupdates my pleasure 💕💕💕💕

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername wow releasing an album just before silly season was HECTIC. but I wouldnt change it for the world! thank you for all the love for fuck, im in love the first couple shows have been INSANE.

got up to some other fun aswell as doing shows, I mean it is silly season after all !

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taylorswift tis the damn season !

elijahhewson fuck that first pic..

yourusername yeah? im too busy looking at the hottie in the second pic... bobbyskeetz you both make me SICK trumanblack agreed you should both break up rn yourusername as IF you weren't the one throwing a hissy fit over the fact he's not coming for christmas

joshjennkinson_ seems like an unfair pic to choose ...

ryanmcmahon_15 done so dirty yourusername but you all look soooo tall!

denis_welch can't wait to have you back for christmas !! enjoy Ireland first

yourusername me too! I'll be home on the 23rd :)) inhalerfan1 ahh shes going to eli's!!

yourusername just added to their story!

replies:

trumanblack and why in gods name do you always us this pic

↳ yourusername its the definition of socially awkwardness hahaha

bobbyskeetz get ready for the worst hangover ever afterwards

↳ yourusername terrified on multiple levels

elijahhewson hahahha you've met them so much it's grand

yourusername

liked by trumanblack and others

yourusername if im just a girl how am I now a homeowner??

another amazing thing to finish of this AMAZING year 💘

comments have been limited

trumanblack STOP GROWING UP

denis_welch I agree with matthew

elijahhewson woohoo homeowners next step dogowners ?

yourusername we have not got it in us to be parents in any capacity babyyy elijahhewson :((((

Check out part two here xxx

[n0vabug]

I'm so sorry

You get in a fight with same

This Contains: Fights scenes, blood, gore, angst, fluff, mentions of depression and mental illnesses, and more, if any of these make you uncomfortable, I recommend that you do NOT read this!! Also if I write in bold in the story, that means ghostface is talking. Words: 1573

Y/N'S POV "PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE SAM, WE JUST MOVED HERE AND BECAME FRIENDS WITH ANIKA AND ETHAN AND QUINN, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME SAM, BY LEAVING NEW YORK, YOURE LEAVING ME, TARA, CHAD, MINDY, AND EVERYONE ELSE." Tears were forming in my eyes as I spoke, I was upset, I knew that I shouldn't have yelled but I did anyways. She was trying to leave again, but this time, I didn't want to leave, I wasn't going to leave and I told her that, she promised no matter what happened, we wouldn't leave again, I can't believe her.

"I HAVE TO YOU DONT GET IT, I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALL OVER AGAIN, I JUST CANT Y/N, YOU COULD COME WITH ME." Sam said, I honestly felt bad for her but why couldn't she just ignore it, I honestly was mad, but sad?? Idk I just wasn't happy about this, I also hate yelling and fighting, which made me feel even worse.

"HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH US, WE HAVE NO IDEA, ITS HALLOWEEN, PEOPLE ARE GONNA DRESS UP AS GHOSTFACE, ESPECIALLY SERIAL KILLERS, PLEASE DONT LEAVE SAM, I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU." Warm tears were streaming down my face as I spoke, my voice broke mid sentence and I was trying so hard not to just completely break down.

"Y/N, YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT WE COULD DIE BECAUSE OF THIS, YOURE TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED ZONING OUT ALL THE TIME TO EVEN NOT....ice, shit i'm so sorry I swear I didn't mean it." She paused when saying notice, she realized she messed up by saying that. But did she just bring up my fucking mental illnesses, wtf. The warm tears stopped as I looked at her with betrayal and sadness in my eyes, why would she fucking bring that up. I think she quickly noticed what she said too because she looked at me with pure regret and sadness.

"Get out sam." I didn't even hesitate to say that, I truly loved her and didn't want her to leave NY, but I needed her to leave my apartment, I couldn't be around her at the moment. "No, wait, I'm sor-" "GET THE FUCK OUT SAM." I know it was wrong of me to yell, again, but it worked because she walked out as quickly as she could. The second she slammed the door, warms tears were pouring out of my eyes again and I couldn't breath, I love my girlfriend so much, but why would she say that, I know she didn't mean it, but still. I walked out of the living room, and walked into my room, trying to calm myself down.

After 5 minutes, I get a call from an unknown number, I quickly try to calm myself so I sound like I wasn't just crying, so I pick up. "Hello?" I said "Hello Y/n" The voice is a bit familiar, too familiar, and not the good type. "Who is this?" I quickly asked. "Are you a little upset Y/n, poor sam, she was only trying to protect herself from getting killed, she didn't want to deal with this a second time, but you took it the wrong way. Shut her out. Didn't even give her a chance to apologize, now poor sam, she's out on her own, what if she gets butchered all because of you, y/n." Shit. Shit. Shit.

Next thing I know I'm running out of my room, towards the door. I can't let Sam die, she's one of the few people who stayed after finding out about my past and my problems. I had to get to her.

Next thing I know, a cold metal blade was pressed into my thigh, with a guy in a black costume and white mask. I screamed as blood dripped down my thigh and bled through my jeans. I then felt the metal enter my stomach 3 times, then get twisted, I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone would hear me. "Any last words, Y/n" "Is sam ok?" I struggled to speak but managed to get those words out, I truly needed to know if Sam was okay. I needed her to be okay. The guy in the mask then stabbed me in the shoulder one last time. My eyes felt heavy and fluttered close until all I saw was darkness...

SAM'S POV I left the apartment, tears streaming down my face. I didn't mean it. I love her more than anything, and I did not mean what I said. She is the greatest person I know, even if she did have some problems, but so did I, and we were overcoming our problems together, she didn't leave me even after she found out about Billy, I didn't even think about leaving her after finding out about her mental illnesses, so after we moved to NY, I could tell she was happier and getting better, and I know me leaving, broke her heart, I could see the sadness in her eyes and the tears streaming down her face during the argument. I had to go back.

I started walking back towards her apartment and as I did, I picked up my phone trying to call her, even after arguments that we had, she always answered my calls, she was really quick at answering because she always had her phone on her at all times, but this time, she didn't pick up. So I called again. no answer. I was starting to worry, maybe she was just really mad and still wanted to answer, but I was still worried. I started walking quicker until it turned into me running. I had the key to my girlfriend's apartment since she had a spare, and since I practically lived there. I unlocked the door. "Y/n?" I look around until I see something that I wish was a dream. Her lifeless body. In a pool of red liquid. "Y/n?" Tears formed in my eyes. "Y/N PLEASE WAKE UP!" I called 911, as I talked on the phone, I broke down, tears streaming down my face. This is all my fault.

I tried putting pressure on her wounds, but the bleeding didn't stop and the paramedics were taking to long. I picked her up, her cold lifeless body in my arms, her apartment was on the fifth floor, I had to run down the stairs with her, as I ran down the stairs I yelled for help. "HELP" "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!" I kept saying, until I reached the ground floor, where I met with the paramedics.

They put her onto a stretcher, bandaged her wounds as much as possible, and then put her into the ambulance. I got in the ambulance with her, and held her cold but soft hand the whole way there. I felt terrible, I never meant for any of this to happen.

We arrived at the hospital and they took her in to get stitches since her wounds were deep, so I had to sit in the waiting room until they called my name. After about 45 minutes I got called to the back, "Samantha Carpenter, Y/n L/n is out of surgery, she isn't awake but if you want, you can go wait in her room until she is." "Thank you, I'll go wait with her, what's her room number." I'm glad she was alive, I still feel terrible, all I felt was guilt, if I didn't argue with her and if I just chose to stay in NY, maybe none of this would have happened. "314." Said the lady at the front desk, I walked to room 314, my footsteps grew quicker within each step I took.

I finally reached her room, I opened the door, and pulled a chair next to her bed. She was still asleep, I hated seeing her like this, I just can't help but think this is all my fault. I sat beside her bed, with my head down and one hand on the bed. After a few minutes, I felt a warm and soft touch on top of my hand, I look up, her beautiful y/e/c (your eye color), eyes were looking directly at me, while she was smiling.

"Omg, Y/n, thank god you're okay, I was so worried, I thought you weren't gonna make it, listen I'm so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen, this is all my fault, I never wanted to leave NY, and especially leave you, I don't think I will leave NY now because I need to keep you safe, but I shouldn't have argued or even yelled, and I feel especially terrible for bringing up the mental health thing, I didn't mean it I swear, I promise you that I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry, ple-" I was ranting until I felt her soft lips press against mine, we kissed until we both ran out of breath. "I forgive you sam, I know you didn't mean it, I love you so much" She pulled me into a kiss again, this time a quicker one. "I love you more, I'm never leaving you again." I said, before I hugged her, I hugged her tighter than I ever have before, but also tried avoiding her injuries while hugging her, I love her to the stars and beyond.

A/N I wrote this whole thing while being half a sleep, and really distracted because my bsf was over while I wrote this and I kept pausing in the middle so we could talk to each other. I can't really tell if I like this or not, I don't 100% love the little fight scene at the beginning but idk, there are things that I could fix with both of them. Idk but let me know if you want anymore, also thank you to whoever reads these because I think these are shitty a lot of time and seeing that people actually read this makes me happy so thank you so much!! <3

UPDATE: I HATE THIS SM, THE FIGHT SCENE IS LOWKEY STUPID BC I DON'T THINK SAM WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT HERE IS ANOTHER ONE FROM WATTPAD THAT WAS MADE IN MAY😭😭

[softness-and-shattering]

Requisite grouch about the representation of embroidery, particularly in Bridgerton. Season 3, Im just getting to. So I get the point of this little scene is "Eloise is not interested in conventional feminine topics and doesnt fit in with her peers, and we are doing this by showing disdain for embroidery" and I fully get that in the cultural consciousness embroidery is this frivolous nonsense that rich women did to keep busy and isnt worth anything.

But two things. One, as Ive said before, the Bridgerton costuming is full of embroidery, of the kind that has to be machine made. And Im not gonna talk about historical accuracy because I consider the costuming part of the shows premise ie something you just have to accept to enjoy the show because its central. Like you cant enjoy Dungeon Meshi if you have to know how its possible for magic and dungeons to exist, you just have to accept that its part of the setting.

So either the seamstress has a few machines shes using for the lavish embroidery or her cloth is extravagantly expensive beyond all reason. LIke even more than youre already thinking.

And these women are surrounded by it, making their trade with it, its literally built into their fashion. So scorn for it makes zero sense. Second, in this scene in particular at the ball. The dialogue goes, almost exactly:

"Well the leaf stitch is tried and true"

[I think Eloise says something]

"Then theres the running stitch, the straight stitch, the fern stitch, the French knot -"

"What's your favourite stitch Eloise?"

This is not how people talk about embroidery! Its not exciting because of the stitches that exist, its exciting for how you use the stitches and what shapes and textures you can make, and how you manipulate the thread and fabric to create all kinds of interesting effects and patterns. And I fully understand that someone can be bored by that, its not for everyone. Im just mad that their "this is a normal conversation about embroidery" is listing stitching and asking someone their favourite. They could have done something like

"I just learned a new stitch, its called the split stitch, and it has this really cool effect that makes the thread look like its knitted, so Im embroidering my dog with this technique to really capture his fur, and im using French knots for his little beady eyes, and then Im gonna use the split stitch and this gorgeous russet floss to make him the coziest little sweater!"

"Oh my god I do not want to hear another thing about your thread dog and its fake thready sweater."

Thats like, a real conversation someone might have that someone else could find boring, and its respectful - and realistic - to the hobby and craft and art of embroidery! It sounds like something a human might say. Not "here are some stitch names, wait why are you being rude?". Its like imitating a conversation about someones dog like "and he has paws and his paws have nails and then he has knees and then he has two eyes and a tail" thats not how people talk about dogs! you might see "his tail is so waggy, and his eyes are so soulful, and his little feet are the cutest thing, let me tell you a story -". We couldve had a story about an embroidery mishap, that could be funny.

but no we must hold onto old outdated and sexist ideas about things and disdain them for no good reason while our costume department is embroidering everything because lets not examine any of our attitudes about anything!

The worst was still the dressmaker last season complaining about ladies and their embroidery MAAM THATS LITERALLY YOUR JOB. Ok now I can go back to watching for the pretties. And I very much admire Colin's big swooshy coat.

Im also trying to work out if Cressida is sapphic. Eloise and Pen absolutely have "middle grade sapphic friends have strangely intense friendship and then huge strangely intense breakup fight," and looks like Pen is bi, but Im really hoping they properly go into queer themes with Eloise and not just sign her up for a guy later. Also pretty sure the latest Bridgerton this season - Francesca? - is ace. Big ace vibes on her.

Swooshy coat!!

[harliennes-hangout]

my scattershot thoughts about the gnosia anime under the cut (spoilers for the game ahead)

ok so i've been braining for like a day about "how would you even turn gnosia into a tv show?" because the story is so intrinsically tied to the gameplay loop, there are 4th wall breaks you cant really translate into an anime, the main character basically is not a character at all because its just the player, etc.

and honestly i feel like its not as big of a jump as it sounds? like it is definitely possible to translate this to a show. i'm still not setting my expectations *too* too high because everything has the potential to be fumbled, but i think its very possible to make a short anime made up largely of one-episode-long games of werewolf.

and yes i absolutely do not believe this will be longer than like 12-ish episodes because the game really doesnt demand longer than that. the plot of the game apart from the gameplay is a good 70-80% character tableu. i wouldnt be surprised if this show favored a more plot-focused story which is more narrowly focused on learning about/breaking out of the time loop.

this means that we should probably prepare for a lot of things getting cut for time. i really doubt theyll cut any entire characters, but they'll probably cut any scenes that are purely about filling out the silver key. id imagine they cut most if not all of raqio's quizzes and several of the scenes that give the player a new skill. this might be a hot take but i also kinda wouldnt be surprised if they cut the a/c follower role entirely, since even though its a cool bit of worldbuilding its the only role that doesnt really further either a character arc or the timeloop plotline

on the other hand, i wouldnt be surprised if they fleshed out some stuff more, like they explained more about yuriko, maybe some more about jonas and why he's still alive after 1000 years, and a bit more setup for manan. maybe at least a shot of her in a flashback to give her a design. not saying i'd want that per se but i wouldnt be surprised. in that vein i kinda hope remnan has more to do? i have complicated feelings about his role in the game and part of me wishes he got to play a bigger role in the ending? idk i could make an entire seperate post about remnan if i wanted

finally (for now) the new main character! there is no way in hell the shot at the end of the trailer isnt of their stand-in for the player character. and thank god its not just a generic anime boy. my pipe dream is that this character is also nonbinary, here's hoping! as far as design goes i'm interested in seeing the ramifications of designing a new character to be animated next to a bunch of pre-existing characters with very over-the-top designs which need to be simplified for animation (you'll notice in the poster that setsu's jacket has none of its gradients and the inside is no longer holographic, their eyes are just red with no cyan, etc). and yes i'm absolutely gonna talk more about the artstyle/animation when we get to see more of it. but personality-wise theres a lot of directions you could go with this character. i kinda get the feeling theyre gonna be at least a bit generic but i have no idea with what theyve given us so far. just gonna wait for more information and see

i'll probably add more things if i think of them but id love to hear your thoughts :D

[bmpmp3]

ive loved it since i first heard it in project diva x years ago, but listening to Tsumi no Namae again (with slightly higher quality headphone audio rather than my vita speakers <3 ) i didnt realize just how crazy the production choices of this song is. wait hold on lemme hashtag musicpost for a minute. im busting out the timestamps

immediate tone setting. bagpipes??? or something like that right out the gate which is wild. clock winding, gear crunching, and real human woman whispering (i think in english but ive never been able to find official lyrics of that section) as well <3 im a sucker for using human voices with synth voices i think it adds a lot of neat texture

the instrument choices lean into a fantasy musical-esque soundscape for obvious reason (the whole song is basically a little original fable or myth type story complete with trickster goddesses and breaking fate's curses etc etc) but the composition is plenty pop rock which is a fun juxtaposition im always a fan of but like SPECIFICALLY those drums that start around a minute in. im not sure what it is, the speed? how loud and hard the drums are? it works so well to give it a forward momentum while also being a bit uncanny. maybe im just imagining how tired the drummers arms would be hitting at that speed and with that amount of power for this long........ but yeah it gives it this unexpected, sorta otherworldly feel, like its just a fraction of a fraction faster than you'd assume. theres like hints of clapping and stuff in there too i think? so much all together but so so so good

and speaking of how tired those drummers arms would be, i do love that this song is six and a half minutes, i love stuff over 5 minutes like YES i am going to waste SO MUCH TIME staring into space and listening really hard (i like to listen to songs on loop <3 half an hour is gonna go away in just a few plays) i love love love love love it

1:38 mark THE BANJO????

1:43 ouuhhhh that we-will-rock-you-type boom-boom-bap-type clap-clap-stomp percussion. ouhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssss.

1:50 the banjo and the flute are now making out in the background. they are making out sloppy style

2:00 there's like this drum breakdown thats incredibly poppy and rock-y which also goes back to the like fun blends of instrument choice and composition

2:23 am i crazy or is there like a tiny tiny little bit of like a static sound as a piece of percussion in this quieter bit... love a mix of fantasy with digital artefacting

2:45 IS THAT A HINT OF SOME MANNER OF BASS INSTRUMENT IN MY LEFT EAR I HEAR..........

3:50 WHAT is that little sound near the right.... it sounds like one of those medieval instruments but i cant remember which one.... and the banjo has made a return

3:58 THE BASS COMING IN ON THE LEFT

4:35 okay the whole bridge section is crazy but first of all. the dynamics between the deep bass-y sounds going between the two ears.

4:40 and what on EARTH is THAT. like a glitchy static-y bit of vocals going on both sides. AND the flute-y sounding thing is going NUTS up there

4:45 and this is what always makes me lose my mind. that really REALLY deep, circular, almost string sounding instrument? is that a god damn hurdy gurdy. i dont know much about instruments can you tell...... BUT for real that like again adds this haunting, extra bit of synthetic uncannyness to the medieval fantasy fable story

5:18 WHAT is that long like droning sound. is that also bagpipes. whats that classical piece thats supposed to teach you how to differentiate the parts of an orchestra. i need to drill that in my head im fighting for my life out here. ANYWAY those background notes with also these bits of like chattering? people talking or playing?

5:24 RANDOM BIT OF MEDIEVAL VIOLIN

6:08 and ending off with the glittering little chimes.... awesome

i dunno just holy shit man. this song goes everywhere it wants to. theres a banjo.

[cheeseandbretboy]

the painting i continued (from longer than a year ago) has too bright white highlights so i need to get rid of them AND quite possibly it would be nice to just give up and do whaeter and get on the train just ot look at all the stations i havent seen before nd cvt and listten to whip your kids on repeat again and again and have no money to afford to eat and find someone who is just so ?? and mean but not in that non self absorbed self absorbed way and stupid because everyone has too much to look forward to and too much to complain about and that makes everyone so yucky and hypocritical and ughghurejne me whenni have work tmr ALSO need to print out more movie photos AND anyone i meet gets so human and i get sick of them so easily but not myself so i will always be alone and thats a good thing unless im not listening to music then it is not so good bc i can hear my breathing an feel my skin also what even is life without music its just ------------------ no ty i do not want to be like amber or ritchie but oh i did thrift their shoes and also jasons but hes kind of an L WAIT that makes so much sense anyway that scene where they are walking in the store with the heavy combat boots that have been discontinued (why?) and a shotgun wow! imagine being tricked by a soda can what a loser anyway the sehleves ive built are really nice and after doing that with hands blistered and joints sore i realised i can fit everythign insdie it and oh god im gonna lose absolutely everything! and thn something even WoORSE hit me that none of this even means anytnign, what the flip, imagine this format will stop and we only live in the real world what then maybe just maybe musicals make sense and then i bash my head into my desk HOW COULD U FOR A SECOND THINK MUSICALS ARE OKAY blood is spurting just likein that scene in longlegs dilf, jokes no maybe nicholas cage hes too pasty this has gotten long uve recently discovered this rly underground and unpopular artist michael jackson yea nobodies really heard of him sigh WHY DO I HAVEA FRENCH BOOK OH GOD IM GOING TO HELL people should put everything ive ever ever made into a bible because that is all i am and i am so happy that is true so yea put this in as well and all my assigmnets and paintings and digital art from 2019 and old drawings and scribbles and south park doodles and short stories ad gore and all the deleted notes of measurrements (sigh why phone) and dont forget all the photos and the annotations i rubbed out later cuz they sounded dumb and too personal remember always to make ur writing as obscure as possible because people always look to make everything about them hey emotions are really stupid our brains are amazing at finding information so much of it but our conciousness is preoccupied with other stupid stuff like education and being horny so all we get is emotions that have been processed information so hey our thinking brain really is in the back seat and we cant change it yk im bnad! im bad! u knowit really really bad megamind... evan peters is eyeing me rn.. i did a really good job of diverting my mental problems its actually really good but i am hoping we can get back to them once they get fixed and maybe this dependence wiol go away too right maybe and wait a darn second are you telling me i wont find myself a tim burton anti hero what the flip unbelievable may i get a refund never sell your doc martens just break them in please the blisters and pus and blood will pass and they will be great i swear unless theyre the max platform types then u might have to keep getting pain but thats okay god dont tell me i need to work in the future although when i watched the movie for the 2nd time in cinemas there was 3 seconds where there was a doctor with a mask and wowww maybe i shld become one of those but i dontthink i have the right motivation maybe neurobiology maybe quantum mechanics mabe maybe even both like quantum mind god thats interesting but only after biology i need to get worried abt climate change and then realise OH MY GOD NOTHING MATTERS BUT OUR MINDS and thats

[merrinpippy]

Liveblogging "the father" and "the butcher" from my notes app:

Love more of Arthur teaching John how to PI :D love when arthur is competent and when John appreciates Arthur being competent <333

I was dreading meeting Daniel as much as I was excited for it, I thought the conversation with Daniel was gonna be really bad... but it ended up super heartwarming!! Fun subversion of the awful religious father figure

Oh fuck oh fuck that's bad

God fucking damn it I hope daniel's still alive :((((((

Oh yeah I bet you want to "make music" with Arthur butcher. Gay ass

"sounds like falling in love" babe I Know What You Are

Really enjoying this episode from the butchers pov its very fun

"i am a dog boyo [...] who cant wait to get his teeth wet"

"you like that dont you" babes.

I need to fucking relisten to the og senators daughter story cause this seems important and I was being talked at while I was listening the first time

"I like your angles" babes.

"good boy" I've heard weirder foreplay but still this whole thing is wild. Loving it

Oh please let the witness be Daniel I want him to be alive so bad

Wait what was that sound?? Did he. Slap himself? Eh?

Omg it is Daniel that's alive! Please!!!! Please stay alive!

Awww Arthur screaming protectively of Daniel:(((((

Oh oh fuck Oscar (sp?) was on the phone when butcher broke into Daniels house so butcher will want to OH that's who called for help and saved Daniel!! Fuck yeah but now he's in danger bc witness.

Butchers such a fun character tho

Idk how to feel about larson coming for Arthur. Hopefully it leads to delicious pain moments? Might be good for the investigation, he might accidentally reveal something about his secret society.

I like how butcher keeps noticing Arthur's eyes, I want him to find out and be Arthur's buddyyyy

Interesting not to hear Johns pov also liked that the audience could clearly hear the decision Arthur had to make irt the window or the apartment even though we're not in Arthur pov. Really fun episode, each of the episodes this season I've really enjoyed as standalones

[1d1195]

SAMMMMMMMMM I CANTTTTTTTT !!!!! i read the protection blurb🥹🥹🥹 i’m literally about to cry they’re ADORABLEEEEE whew😮‍💨😮‍💨 i was cheesing sooooo hard the whole time I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY WROTE A BLURB YOURE AMAZINGGGG AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH

i saw your post apologizing for the next part of Most👀….yea i think ima stay away for a littleeee bit longer HAHAHAHA i hate lauren🙄 (idk her)

IM ACTUALLY GOING ON A TRIP !! in the first week of august im traveling to see my sister and some other family (only excited to see my sister tho lmao) and that’s gonna be fun hopefully. not quite sure how long i’m staying but whtvr (i take back what i said, i wanna binge-read Most on the plane and then stress out abt the posting from a different timezone)

i have a new song! (it’s actually old ((and a cover)) but who cares) “Dance Me to the End of Love” The Civil Wars has been on repeat omg. i actually have this whole montage in my head that plays when i hear it of a tv couple and one of them is dying and this is playing in the background while the scene goes from their happy flashbacks to the present AHHH HANDJEIE THATS SO SPECIFIC IDK BUT DO YOU GET IT ?

“You Are In Love” BY TAYLOR SWIFT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MACY AND ELLIOT CODED IM SCREAMINGGGGGG !!!! that’s always been one of my all time favorite taylor songs bc it’s just so lovey dovey so ofccc but i just heard it again after reading love & other words and holyyyyyy ugh i almost cried😭😭 i meannnn “one night, he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses then says, you’re my best friend, and you knew what it was, he is in love” AFHKJEAGFOUEHJFL AND THE WHOLE BRIDGE ??? ITS SO THEM anyway, im still completely in love with that story n i think of them a lot (im trying to persuade my sister to read it, she’s being difficult)

IT. HAS. BEEN. STORMING. FOREVER. i kid you not we spent WELL over a week where it was raining and gloomy and gray nonstop BUT IT WAS STILL HOT. its sunny again now though and i am living purely off of iced coffee LMAO

LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOWS IT GOING ??? HOPE YOURE DOING AMAZING MWAH <333

~🎶

Of course! your inspo was such a good idea! I love to make Harry sound dramatic about safety and of course there's no better Harry than the one I wrote in Protection. 💕

That's awesome you're going on a trip and you get to see your sister! I'm sure that will be really happy and exciting. A no return date is so cool. I wish I could have that part of your life for sure 💕 My entire life is scheduled to the minute lol. I think by the time you are on the plane and in a different time zone you won't be stressing too much about Most hehehehe. I think most of the frustrating scenes and parts are all done (but we'll see what I come up with for the remaining parts)

What a beautiful song 😭 my favorite lyric is in the first verse "lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove" I TOTALLY see what you're saying about the TV montage. That's how I envision songs and see stories as well. Thank you for telling me about it! I have a couple songs I've also been listening to that are older. Go Solo - Tom Rosenthal, Where's My Love - SYML, and Acoustic - Billy Raffoul (the lyrics for this last one are a bit spicy but it sounds so innocent I didn't notice the lyrics when I first heard it on TV)

It's not a book for everyone! My sister didn't like it because she didn't like that she was engaged. Which I think makes me toxic because I didn't even CARE. I love Macy and Elliot. I think about them 20 times a day. Specifically the part where he calls her honey toward the end and consoles her. I'm a sucker for the comfort trope. But you're right, You Are In Love is about them.

It finally cooled down this past week (it's supposed to heat up again though). I'm doing well. This is the last week of summer school. Can't wait to be done with it. I read a trashy book this weekend and I'm hopeful I'll read another one this week. But I wrote Part 4, 5, and I'm working on 6 of Most so I've been doing literature things but I should be reading more. I need less screen time hahaha. I also watched Maxton Hall and I know it's probably a little young for me, but the enemies to lovers is my weakness.

There is nothing wrong with living off iced coffee 😉 Hope you have a good day! Do you have to pack a lot for an undetermined trip length? I think I would explode trying to pack for that 😭 how do you do it?

LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[lostacelonnie]

Surviving is one thing but befriending the alt girls? Now thats thriving congrats on the friend acquisition. Oh yeah absolutely thats super cool of your mom. To be so chill. More parents should aspire to be so chill. Birds are just chill dudes who exist & you can see them & its great. Fuck gulls though. They're nice to look at but will be bastards if you have food in some places. Ive been trying to learn german here & there and it is. Something. Mood but for english. Who needs grammer rules fuck em. I dont know polish so i definitely cant say. You probably mentioned it that sounds familiar but dang. Well it at least wont be as bad? My joke answer is gay sex would be less gay than whatever bronya/seele & march/stelle have goin on. My serious answer is that but also that was really well paced & written. Svarog my bro. Love him. Cocolia confrontation had killer music & the interaction with preservation was cool too. Love fire stelle abilities. Mobile is tough but just gotta fuck it we ball through it. Ill definitely have to add rain world to my list. Dredge is like. Lovecraftian horror fishing sim. Its really neat. River city girls is a simple beat em up adventure game where you fight through town doin little quests on your way through the main one. Real fun easy controls & the soundtrack is real good. Please do id love to hear your exploits. Yeah i have work a lot & so does she plus her kids so i dont talk to mine much either. Im getting to the point in star rail where i am catching up like genshin so ill probably log in less on that too unless more story happens or an event catches my eye. After next planet story anyways. Im not far enough in simulated universe to do swarm disaster sadly. Just gotta. Level them characters as usual. Ps5 star rail gave me gepard which he's good but like. I want bronya

YEAH ITS GREAT and thank you!! we have different groups this year and im very happy ab this bc most of the popular girls im scared of that i shared a group with last year are in the other one now. so im chillen. yeah shes VERY epic hehehehe!!!!! love her. YEAH frfr i agree.... ab the gulls as well i almost got Physically Attacked by one when i was on a trip on an island near alicante cos i was hanging out in the sea and went towards a small island not far away from the shore. not knowing there was a gull nest on it. but i took the hint when one started Screaming at me like halfway through. god i am scared of these things. theyre cool but from a safe distance. and ahhh good luck with learning german!! i took 4 years of it in primary school and still dont know a thing. but its a very charming language so maybe when i get a solid hang of spanish, ill revisit it. tho it Is funny to joke with my friends ab how i didnt allow ppl to germanize me. german was mandatory under the nazi occupation and theres this one patriotic song with the lines "nie będzie niemiec pluł nam w twarz / ni dzieci nam germanił" [the german will not spit in our face / nor germanize our children] but these days its often used for jokes ab having to learn the language. and yeah i suppose thats true!! it is what it is. anyway. YEAH i actually agree with both the joking and serious part andkfnjjb ESPECIALLY the cocolia boss fight. GOD that was cool. i honestly dont use fire trailblazer abilities that much but yes she does come in handy. good luck with surviving on mobile o7 also keep me updated if you do end up playing it!!!!!! its unbelievably hard but like. in a good way. OOH BOTH OF THESE SOUND VERY FUN!! speaking of which i have so many games i wanna play..... but i literally just spent around 200zł [a bit under 46 dollars] two days ago [wait im gonna tell you how in a second]. which actually connects to dye update: i redid my hair since it washed off pretty quickly [but ah i look so nice in red] for the very event i ended up spending way too much money on. and yeah fair rn im actually going onto genshin more often than star rail bc the fontaine exploration + catching up on sumeru exploration is just. So fun. havent played swarm disaster yet either...... no time...... i have a Lot of stuff to do for school recently. its been like what. 2 weeks. and we already finished the first chapter from history and were gonna have an exam soon. which im Dreading btw bc for some reason i went for extended history in school despite being physically unable to remember dates. but hey at least extended geography is easy [so far]. so fuck it we ball. anyway ah congrats on getting gepard!!! hes pretty overpowered yeah but i want bronya as well [i say barely ever logging into the game]. which is pretty funny bc i already got 3 5* things on standard in star rail while being like 150 pulls in and they were two claras and GEPARDS LIGHTCONE. which i cant even use on march since i run her in clara teams in which i need the taunt on clara. Lol. but whatever. ANYWAY ABOUT THE EVENT uhhh you Might recall that i went to like a. con-adjacent thing last year. its actually just mainly for buying merch but a Lot of people go in cosplays. anyway i went this year as well and got a bunch of prints [of focalors, fischl, signora, silver wolf, kafka, and miku], and some other stuff [charms of himeko starrail, silver wolf, and kafka, as well as bronya honkaiimpact3rd and kafka pins]. and a very cute choker. so YEAH for the sheer amount of stuff i got id say its a very good price but i still feel bad ab spending so much money in one go sjdkgkgjh

[kinki-cami]

This post is supposed to be buried deep why tf are people finding it??????

To be fair reblogging it isnt helping but still

Also i know what hdg is supposed to represent: kink, disability, yadda yadda (not trying to be rude just saying etc in the manner of how im trying verbally sound while saying this) and yknow im disabled too not to an extreme but yknow t1d (fuckin sucks ass) then adhd autism which also fuckin sucks but the worst part is infatilization just like "oh you cant do that here lemme do it for you" when yes the fuck i can then they get pissed whn i do it myself, or saying "you know how to do it, everyone does" and then doing it completely wrong and them getting upset. And also with the kink part being "yeah this is cnc thing (with emphasis on the nc)" like yeah i fuckin know but thats not what im tryna get at

Pretty much all the foundation stories (that ive read)/ and a lot of the short stories, especially read on here written by people more knowledgeable about the source are about people who, sometimes drafted sometimes volunteered get florted regardless of if they want it or not and pretty much just, yknow give them some or more of a lobotomy (not that much as they are still usually pretty smart just enough to get a lot of specific thoughts removed) and one of the phrases i hear constantly on hdg tags is "they are inevitable" often (i assume) implying that probably everyone will be domesticated and the thing with that is, assuming that getting drafted to join the terran resistance is inevitable as well, considering that will guarentee you getting domesticated i just like couldnt? Yknow what i mean, its implyed in the extra chapters of the original that a lot of the affini are pretty similar in their goals of any terran in the war will be domesticated, and like im sorry but literally 1 i fuckin couldnt like if it was possible i wouldnt mind being friends with one but every story inevitably ends with the mc being domesticated whether they wanted it or not and pretty much removed of any and all personal choice, which dont get me wrong, with a schedule i could thrive, maybe but i would hate the loss of self expression and 2 fuck i lost my train of thought typing things Fuck. Oh wait. And if they story starts with some independent being pretty good at independance it pretty much comes down to the affini wanting that person as their floret bad enough that they force it upon them which. Like. I wouldnt mind being kidnapped, but only if i was in a place where i hated it and had no escape like usually its with xenodrugs but its also with biorythyms just like "yeahhh if you wanna be an independent but i want you to not be, too fuckin bad you will be my floret" and its just like yeah but i wanna just be able to exist without the harrassment and programming that, whether someone says "ah thats not programming" no if you give someone something to do then make them feel good, you are training that response meaning that pretty much any/everything with xenodrugs that make you happy is just programming and i realize now im just rambling bc i forgot what i was fucking gonna say and am struggling to remember

What im trying to say is if i WERE to live in hdg i would pretty much have to isolate myself so hard that i wouldnt get any interference from either side of the war because one is very much "yeah either way yoy WILL eventually get domesticated" and the other side is just "fuck you" and like i really could just be on my own and if i wasnt harrassed COULD probably just be pretty good on my own for at least a year

But yeah i know this all goes against the whole thing of hdg but like i couldnt fathom having zero control over my life. Which is what i currently have, so if i were to it would pretty much just be worse to my current actual situation where instead of just being isolated, i would be isolated (with only exceptions allowed BY the affini... which literally doesnt change my current situation), drugged to feel good about the situation and then have my personality suppressed which is literally like my creativity is literally my entire personality so having all my decisions made for me would pretty much already kill me so whats the point

Also id like to note that while writing the inital post i was suppressing suicidal thoughts so yknow wasnt thinking straight either anyway going to make this even harder to find and i havent fully researched hdg due to being too depressed to even really get out of my bes the past few days besides like on Saturdays to hopefully go out

Yknow im split again on whether or not i would want the affini to exist

Because honestly, truely, if i could literally just have basically star trek with pretty much infinite ethical food, slay but also if it was just like me and my like 8 neighbors (making 10 total people) i wouldnt mind, like just nature and chilling

Cause lets be honest, if you were sad in any way shape or form, even if its simply "i want to go take a 5 hour walk in a real forest" the affini would probably just be like "oh petal dont be sad" and inject you with (i can never remember the class names but i know what they do so) what is essential dopamine/serotonin, and youre pretty much removed of any individuality which. Suuucks. Especially for someone like myself who pretty much never had an opportunity to fully express myself.

Now dont get me wrong i LOVE identity death BUT i wouldnt wanna be erased, instead id rather just be trapped into a paradise of my own making in my mind. Like. I can look at whats happening to my body, buuutttt for the most part i just get to experience things i wanted to but never had the opportunity to, hell, {in the ben sharpiro talks about banning luigi from ssbu meme voice} lets say, hyypothetically, luigi grabs you- kidding! No lets say this scenario did happen, if the affini in charge of me pretty much told my replacement if any trauma was effecting that paradise to tell them and theyd deal with it, that would be even better bc i think i do have trauma considering every fictional character I've ever made that i would use another character that represented me to talk to, ""my"" ""friends"" (the fictional characters) always resent ""me"" (the character that represents me) in some way always using an annoyed tone

So yknow if i were to just exist as essentially a repressed thing in the back of my mind but i have my own little world i get to interact with back there while physical me is completely otherwise braindead from the affini, then i wouldnt mind, but yeah as it stands, uhh yeah i dont like 24/7 bdsm relationships, i want there to be a seperation between sexual me and normal me, especially since there already is a massive divide in that form, only really noticeable in private vs public and edged vs finished

And otherwise if i was in the hdg world and didnt have that option, you know the moment i was left alone after being captured by an affini and they didnt say that theyd do that, id be dead on the floor, probably crying as i die bc i wouldnt know a very good way to die, bc presumably humanity would have found a cure to diabetes by then, i mean considering it might happen by 2026 uhh i could also just inject myself with a lethal amount of insulin and go peacefully although probably panicked, otherwise, assuming theres no non oxygen, non carbon dioxide gas on the ship, yeah i would probably die a pretty painful yet pretty fast death, crying the whole way there bc fuck if i have to chose to basically watch myself lose myself, death, or trapped in my own mind but i dont know i am i would take option 3... unless thats unavailable, then i would take option 2

Now would they try to keep me alive? Yeah probably but then again you cant really recover a stab to the heart, neck, and lungs, or a hanging, or insulin with about 20 minutes of wait time so yknow

Idfk why im talking about this im depressed as FUCK right now but I'm also being real about if i was in that situation because... yeahhhhh but yeah uhh this is definitely a combo of saying "hey heres my solution!" And "fuck i have horrible thoughts i dont want in my head right now i dont know how to get them out without fucking doing something l Iike fucking finding sone way to cut myself, drink alcohol, or literally have enough fucking energy to get up, which i dont have that energy right now sooo yeah uhh fucking no ones going to read this haha its WAYYYYY too late so like 95% of people who follow me arent online and like , lets be real who the fuck is going to like a post about "oh if i was given the chance to remove all ambitions i had in life to just live in pleasure or do that but its all fake OR kill myself, i would kill myself" like. Thats fucked up. And also now that i think about it its like that comic about the time traveler who goes to the future and is given a choice to continue on her journey or experience eternal pleasure as you hallucinate the things you love and are constantly injected with dopamine and she never leaves and it shows basically everyone doing the same thing sooo uhhh yeah good luck finding THIS post sherlock, i doubt even BATMAN could find this post

[notzawzark]

I really enjoyed your story a part two would be lovely but do not push yourself and have a lovely day

GHOST (mw2) X MALE READER (platonic) PT2

woooooo yeah baby, thats what ive been wait for, thats what ive been taking about, wwoooooo, another installment of my poorly planned fanfic

as perusual: sorry for any typos, and do not expect some grandiose writting, i am not that smart

CW/TW's: toture, gore, vomit, if i should add more just tell me and i will

I throw on a shirt. A button up. Not one I chose myself, but its not like I hate it. Its ugly but in a charming way. I put on leather boots, keeping the pants I wore to sleep on. Its not my best outfit, but considering how little sleep I got last night, I don’t anyone will care. I sure as hell don’t. 

I leave my room, entering into a hall. The cold concrete  below me tapping under my feet. I stop in front of ghosts room. I hear talking on the other side of the heavy metal door. Faint, but still there. The guards posted in front of the door ask me if I want in. I tell them no. I want to get somethings first. I wonder the halls. Looking for the stairs up. The building were currently holed up in (and have been for awhile) is some old abandoned hospital. When we first set up here, it was trashed. To this day  It still doesn’t look very homely, but its better then it was.

Ive been stashed away in the basement, Also where the interrogation room is set up. i find the stairs, ascending up to floor level. I make my way to the current medical ward. there are so many people. You wouldn’t expect this place to be so packed, but it almost always is. Most of the people here are good. Civilians. Simply people in need of doctors, but without the money to get any. Cant say the same for the people stationed in the basement.

“hey.” I try and get the attention of one of the makeshift medical staff. His name is Chester im pretty sure. “shit-“ he turns around, startled. he was tending to some random sick person. Cant tell why their sick though. “(reader)!” he sounds pleasantly surprised. Like meeting an old friend unexpectedly. Weve only really ever talked a few times. “I need bandages.” I tell him. He looks around, a but confused, “uhm…” he takes a second “do you mind if I ask why? Or is that.. uh.. can I ask why?” he lowers his voice into a whisper for the last bit, leaning in.

All the ‘doctors’ know who theyre working for. The same man im working for. But that’s about all they get to know. We bring them medical supplies so that they can help their towns people. in return, they fix up anyone we bring to them, no questions asked. It’s a covert deal, and they arent aloud to talk about us. If they did, my boss would probably anonymously tell the police what they have set up here. Only one of the doctors has a medical license.

“the bandages arent for me” he understands that he isnt gonna get much more then that, nodding and leading me away from his current patient. He takes me to a closet “bandages and stuff are in here,” he opens it, “can I ask what type of wound your bandaging?” he asks, leading me in.

“I don’t know.” It sounds like a copout, but I genuinely have no idea. It could be anything. Cuts, burns, chopped off limbs. “oh wow.” He looks worriedly, searching through the random supplies. He hands me a roll of white bandages, “here” and then he goes back to looking around. “what are you looking for?” I peek over his shoulder. “well your probably gonna need more then just the plain bandages, even if we don’t know what you gonna have to fix up.” he hands me some bandage tape. “thank you” I tell him.

we part ways, and I start back to the basement. Stopping on my way to ghosts new room to get a bucket of water, two rags, and a towel.

I stop in front of the door, there isnt any talking now, nodding to the two guards. They go to open the door, but its prematurely opened by someone else. Im greeted by a man covered in someone else's blood. The man with the cart of torture supplies. The butcher. “hi-“ my voice cuts off. “hello.” He looks down at the assortment of things Chester handed me. He grunts, pushing past me, dragging his cart behind him. Its bloody. Very bloody. there are a few loose teeth on it that werent before, and it leaves a trail of blood behind him as he leaves.

I enter the room, hastily met with the smell of blood and vomit. I turn my face, it smells fucking awful. The door is shut behind me. The table has been moved off to the side, and ghost to the middle of the room. Hes covered in his own blood. “hey..” I let out. I try not to let my concern waver my voice. Ghost groans, and then ends up in a coughing fit. His mask is off, but his head is dropped down, facing the floor, blood soaked in his hair. I go over to the table, dropping my supplies down, and picking up his skull mask. “would you like your mask back?” I ask, turning to him. He just coughs more. Im pretty sure he coughed up blood.

I get up closer to him, placing down my bucket of water, his breathing hastens, he turns his face away. It takes a moment for it to click, “oh shit-“ I look at the rag in my hand, “im not gonna water board you bro, I swear.” I panic out, trying to make him less weary of me. 

It doesn’t work much, and he tenses everytime I move. Pulling up my sleeves, I dip the rag in water, and then start to clean out his wounds. There are different kinds. Some deep gashes, some circular holes in his skin, others bruises so blue youd think it hurt his bones. I don’t really get a good look at his face, even while I try and get blood off of it. he moves his face away everytime I try to touch it. its Understandable, but it makes things much more difficult. 

I give up on trying to clean his face, and just put his mask back on him. He immediately seems more comfortable, still incredibly tense, but less so then before. I continue to clean off all the blood on him. Its tiring. Eventually its done though. I wrap the towel around him, covering him and helping him dry all in one. I get up, and grab the bandages, and tape. i get back to him, placing both on the ground. I open the package for the bandages. 

I cover up most of the big gashes, and even a few of the smaller ones. Im covered in dried up blood now. I clean up around his chair too. Just getting blood up off the floor. Theirs vomit beside him. I begrudgingly clean that up too. I throw the second rag into the bucket. Taking a deep breath ones ive left the floor.

“thanks” ghosts voice sounds hoarse and it cuts out at the end. I go sit up in the table off to the side. “whens the last time you slept” I ask him the first real question of the day. Its quiet for a few minutes until he responds, “four days.” I mouth a ‘wow’ under my breath. I hold my breathing in thought, puffing out once I get to my conclusion. “ill let you sleep the entire time im here.. which should be..” I trail off thinking and doing math in my head, “two hours I believe, if you tell me what you guys know.”

He doesn’t respond. “what about a hint.” I smile at him. “no” his voice sounds more firm. The smile doesn’t fade. “fine, then you wont sleep for another day.” I hop off the table, and get onto the chair that was discarded next to it. Theres still paper and pencils, and so I start drawing. I draw him again. Its quiet in the room for nearly 20 minutes, I look up from my drawing every now and then to make sure he isnt asleep.

Hes falls asleep. I throw a balled up piece of paper at him. He startles up, looking around frantically to assess the situation. He drops his head back once he realizes it was just me. “if you had given me that hint I would have let you stay asleep” I taunt him. “fuck off” he blurts out. Hes getting comfortable, that hes just tired enough to not give a shit.

It gets quiet again.

“you know what-“ I look over to him, getting out of my seat and sitting on the table again. “if you tell me about your family ill let you sleep..” I pause, “that or your name” he looks me dead in the eyes, then up and down. Silence. “how’d you know about my brother?” he asks. A surprise for sure. “we made a little file on you, figuring out everything we could before we ambushed you. It was in that file… one of the few things about you in that file, and not just about ghost.”

“I am ghost.”

“you are a ghost.. you know how hard it was to find that out about your brother? That you even had a brother?”

“that’s the point.” He says in between coughs

I take a deep breath in and out. “I guess it is.” I say looking off.

A silence settles again. For about five minutes. He stares at me for three of them before looking away. “my brothers name was tommy.” I snap my head towards him. I didn’t actually expect him to tell me about his family. “is that so.” I inquire more. “he had a kid.” He continues. “and where is that kid now?” ghost doesn’t answer.

“and what about your dad?” he doesn’t respond, just like last time. I sigh. i want more, but technically he followed the rules I had. “you can sleep.” I jump off of the table, and get back to my drawing. Ghost gets as comfortable in his seat as he possibly can. Wasting no time to getting to sleep.

An hour and a half pass by. Ive filled the entire page with drawings. Ghost is sound asleep- the door starts to open. Shit. “HEY-“ I greet the person at the door loud enough to wake ghost up. “your back early,” I turn to the door. And ghost hurriedly wakes up. “(reader).” ‘The butcher’ greets me back, waving one of his hands stiffly at me. 

“uh- can we have a few more minutes?” I rush out as the large man starts hauling in his cart into the room. He stops in his tracks. Slowly turning to look at me. “your time is up.” fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck “yeah but… i-I I was- I was starting to get somewhere with my… interrogation.”

“where?”

“he was starting to talk about his- uh his family and-“

“the boss doesn’t want to hear about his family.” He cuts me off

I look to ghost, and then to the man in front of me. “yes but-“

“why are you wasting my time (reader)?”

He cuts me off again.

I mumble and apology. I really shouldn’t have fucking done that. Shit, all cause I wanted to show ghost my stupid drawing.

He leaves his cart next to ghost, who has started hyperventilating. “you gave him bandaids.” He points out. “I didn't want him to bleed out.” I  had already thought of an excuse. “I didn’t say you could give him bandaids.”

“yeah but he was probably gonna die”

“I didn’t say you could give him bandaids.” He turns to me. “yeah and the boss didn’t say you could kill him,” I retort.

He picks up a pair of pliers, holding them so tight his knuckles turn white. Hes threatening me. Fuck. “im sorry, I just didn’t want valuable intel to die.” I soften my voice, trying to de-escalate the situation. He turns back to ghost. I start to leave. “your not aloud to leave.” He snaps his pliers a few times to emphasize.

“come on man-“ I turn around towards him, my voice breaking. I don’t want to be here. He hums a bit, snapping his pliers a few more times. He doesn’t respond. “ill get you those drugs you wanted.” He stops humming, and lets the air fill with silence. “alright, you can leave.”

I practically run out of there. I feel bad. I feel bad for ghost. I feel bad about having to steal from the med ward. Shit. I really wanted to show him my drawing. I bet he would have told me it was cool. I get to the showers upstairs, and I wash all of his blood off of me. Then I go to my room. I put the drawing next to the first one. Hopping onto my bed.

If I get caught stealing ill be as good as dead.

hiiiiiiiii i see you made it to the end again, blushes

if everything goes to plan there should be at least five chapters of this fic when im done

[onovnii]

I love ur writing :) could we see something with the brothers finding a gn!MC frustrated bc they can't sleep? thank you!

# mc cant sleep

feat. mammon , leviathan , satan , asmodeus , beelzebub , belphegor x gn!mc

summary. how the brothers react and help mc sleep!

cw. fluff , swearing

author n. this took a bit but here you go !! ^^

maybe it was to the new environment or the endless shenanigans the brothers were up to during the ‘day’ but something was keeping you up. no matter how much you toss and turn, flip the pillow over to the ‘cool’ side, you just couldn’t sleep!

the tiredness in your body and your brain refusing to just shut off was a contradicting feeling and quite frankly, it was getting annoying. frustrated, you got up from your bed and thought what other way than to go to your favorite demon for help?

mammon.

▸ knowing he never fucking locks the door, you walked your candy ass in there.

▸ expecting to see him asleep, you were surprised to just see mammon lounging around in his room.

▸ both of you gave the other a questioning look, the answer already clear but apparently had to be asked anyway.

“mc?? why’re you here? …couldn’t sleep huh? yea, i get the feelin’”

▸ mammon rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.

▸ he got up from his seat on the bed and walked up to you

▸ he asked if you wanted help sleeping

▸ you said yes (a little embarrassed) but after hearing that, he’d bring you over to the bed and cuddle you :(

▸  you were laying on top of him with his arms loosely around you.

“ya know, back when my brothers were still little— especially the twins, they’d have trouble sleeping too.”

▸ he’d start, hands either be mindlessly playing with your hair or the hem of your shirt

“so whenever they did, most of the time they’d go to lucifer. occasionally though, they would come to me for help. you wanna know what i did?”

“i would hold them just like this til’ they fell asleep. some of the more needy ones would ask me to sing for em. you ain’t gonna make me sing, are ya?”

▸ mammon said that last part with a lighthearted laugh.

▸ you asked him to continue talking, his voice having a calming affect on you.

▸ happy to know his method is working, he’d tell you selective stories about his brothers, himself (though they were obviously exaggerated), or mundane things that happened in the devildom.

▸ you ended up falling asleep in his arms with a small smile.

▸ mammon felt he was falling in love all over again 😣

leviathan.

▸ you texted him asking if he was awake before heading to his room.

▸ you already knew the answer but it was your way of letting him mentally prepare before barging into his space

▸ a few minutes went by and you got a response.

‘uhh yea. what’s up lol?’

▸ you smiled at that, knowing levi had a habit of adding “lol” to the end of his sentences so he appears somewhat nonchalant. (the reason he takes so long to answer is bc he’s overthinking his response T_T”)

▸ you ask if it’s okay if you come into his room.

▸ levi responds with something along of lines of “yes” and “wait at the door”

▸ anyway, you make it to his room and softly knock.

▸ the door makes the ‘click’ sound and you let yourself in.

▸ levi’s shly standing behind the door. awkwardly looking at you and his messy ass room

▸ he lets out a nervous laugh when you notice the state it’s in

“o..oh mc… haha… i wasn’t really expecting to see you tonight…sorry… i can clean up!— if you want i mean..uh-“

▸ you’ll never get over how cute he is when acting so awkward..

▸ you tell him its fine and mention your little problem.

“are you sure it was a good idea to come to me of all people?? …n-not that i’m upset or anything.. im glad you’re here and all it’s just…i dont think i’ll be the biggest…uh…help…”

▸ you kiss his cheek and say you came here because you wanted to see him

▸ cue levi malfunctioning 😔😔

▸ levi brings you over to the set up in front of the tv, giving you a spare controller

“w-well… when i cant sleep, i tend to just…do something until i get tired. maybe you should try it too? don’t worry, i’ll um, stay with you…”

▸ both of you end up playing a relatively easy and calm game

▸ it ends up making you even more tired

▸ after your fifth yawn, levi offers to call it a night.

▸ agreeing, you snuggle up to him (he silently freaks out :)

▸ unsure of what to do, levi drapes one of the blankets laying on the floor on you.

▸ he knows his room tends to get cold and he doesn’t want you freezing…

▸ it takes a bit of courage, but he kisses your forehead and tells you goodnight.

▸ ends up sleeping beside u <3

satan.

▸ you were usually hesitant to knock on the fourth-born’s door. especially at night

▸ you never knew if you were going to interrupt something really important or something of mild interest.

▸ either way, satan always welcomed you with open arms so you figured it should be fine…probably

▸ after knocking, you heard some shuffling from the other side

▸ once open, satan was surprised to see you standing there awkwardly

▸ though, he figured out the reason relatively quickly.

“…can’t sleep? haha, thought so. come, i think i can help.”

▸ satan has spent a few nights reading about human behavior and habits.

▸ while he struggles with sleeping himself, he understands his needs are a lot different from yours.

▸ instead of going by book though, satan offers his own sleep method.

“reading calms me, it’s why i like it so much. something about a good story can really put you in a good mood. i actually have a few books i tend to read before bed, what if i read them to you?”

▸ satan calls you over to his bed, cleaning it and getting all the books off beforehand (surprising.)

▸ he has you on his lap, cuddled up to his chest.

▸ he begins to read a lighthearted story.

▸ because satan is using a sweet and rather hushed voice, it leaves you feeling weirdly calm

▸ not to mention that satan always has the lingering scent of coffee beans for some reason, which only adds to the drowsiness youre experiencing

▸ barely paying attention to his words anymore, you ended up nodding off.

▸ when satan notice, he chuckled lightly before wrapping his arms around your body

▸ kissed your forehead and said goodnight.

▸ it was the best sleep both of you had tbh

asmo.

▸ coming to asmo is one of the better ideas.

▸ he always knows what to do

▸ though, you were scared you were going to interrupt his sleep…you know how he gets about his sleep….

▸ yes, asmo was a little upset to be waken up, not bothering to put any clothes he just opened the door as is

▸ but when he saw you at the door, his frown quickly became a smile as he pulled you in

“mc! what a lovely surprise! what brings you here— oh! i know, you couldn’t wait til the day to see me right? aww, i missed you too-!”

▸ after kissing your face a bunch, asmo puts on one of his robes and asks why you’re really here

▸ you tell him you cant sleep and he has a concerned look on his face.

“oh no… that’s not good. you humans need your sleep, dont you? hmm…ah! i know just the thing. come close, i wont bite”

“i’ve heard that when you can’t sleep, it’s sometimes caused by stress. let’s relieve some of that tension, hmm?”

▸ asks you to take off your shirt (he wont try anything. pinkie promise)

▸ after he tells you to lay flat on your stomach, he begins to massage your back.

▸ honestly, you weren’t even aware you were so stressed…

▸ it was probably due to the fact you’re a human constantly surrounded by demons.

▸ either way, asmo knoowsss how to work with his hands.

▸ he seems to know every spot that needs the most attention without you having to point it out

▸ with his help, you end up feeling much more relaxed than before.

▸ it doesn’t help that because his hands are so soft, it leaves you feeling airy and like you have butterflies in your stomach.

▸ you didn’t even realize the noises you were making

▸ asmo took it as a sign of it working and was very giddy about it.

▸ after it was all said and done, he gave you your shirt back.

▸ asmo offered to sleep together ^^

▸ not wanting to leave him just yet, you obviously said yes.

▸ now you have a very happy demon in your hands.

▸ cuddling with asmo is one of the best feelings anyone can experience

▸ despite his hands wandering, he keeps it innocent.

▸ hands moving up from your thighs to your sides,

▸ caressing your cheek to gently playing with your hair.

▸ something about his touch made you even more tired.

▸ happy to know he helped, asmo fell asleep shortly after you.

beel.

▸ when you came to beel, he was one of the more sympathetic brothers.

▸ he understood not being able to sleep for one reason or another

▸ his being he was just too hungry and his hunger pains kept him up.

▸ since beel has experience with this, he offers the method he uses.

▸ which is food ofc 🙁… offers to make you something to eat, hoping it might help.

▸ figuring it wouldn’t help to try, you agree.

▸ beel remembers belphie off-handedly mentioning that humans sometimes consume something warm to help relax them.

▸ beel has made tea before, the calming type for lucifer or satan who both suffer from terrible sleep habits.

▸ he has also made warm milk for his brothers before (levi 😯)

▸ he asks which one you’d prefer.

▸ whichever you chose, he makes it for you.

▸ his urge to take it himself was subsided by his need to help you. that need was stronger than any urge he’s had.

▸ anyway, once he gives it to you, beel asks if you’d like to sleep the rest of the night with him.

▸ agreeing, bc who wouldn’t, he smiles at this and picks you up

“don’t worry, you can just fall asleep on the way if you need too. i’ll take care of you, okay?”

▸ being held by beel is one of the most loving feelings you could ever experience.

▸ when carrying you, he’s careful with you.

▸ the affect of the drink begins to take effect as he takes you back to his bed.

▸ the warm feeling being spread around your body is enough to make your eyelids heavy.

▸ when in bed, beel lays you ontop of him.

▸ occasionally kissing the crown of your head, you eventually fell asleep in his arms.

▸ he thought you were so cute…

▸ you’re more than likely smaller than him in comparison

▸ he feels happy to be relied on, especially by you

▸ sleeps happily knowing you came to him

belphie.

▸ the best and obvious choice.

▸ not even bothering to knock, you made your way to the attic where you knew he was there.

▸ best way to wake up belphegor is to tickle him.

▸ the sudden feeling is enough to wake him, (even though he’s aware you’re there already)

▸ he is grumpy at first, but seeing you turns his face into something more neutral

“…huh? mc? why are you here? …can’t sleep? hmm, i see. well, come here then.”

▸ makes space for you next to him

▸ once you’re cuddled next to him he uses his power to make you feel sleepy.

▸ doesn’t tell you this , but you know.

▸ belphie usually sleeps with his demon form out, too lazy to maintain it

▸ so his tail, the soft part, is laid on you.

▸ he’s careful with it though, because of the prickly barbs

▸ for the most part, you don’t mind.

▸ it doesn’t take long for you to sleep

▸ but belphie takes the extra step and controls what kind of dream you’re having

▸ he does have the power to intrude and talk to you there, so he kinda abuses it 😒

▸ you end up having a happy dream about the both of you going on a date.

▸ belphie’s happy you trusted him enough to help. he hopes you’ll come to him again…

▸ its a good excuse to hold you so close like this.

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

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